Adam’s Fall

Another Friday Fictioneers prompt in my In-box this morning, so here’s my story in response. I’m so glad our leader Rochelle Wisoff-Fields puts in so much time and effort to moderate these weekly challenges. If you’d like to enter an item in this week’s FF story collection, check out her blog for more details. Thanks to J Hardy Carroll for the prompt image. I’ll admit, photos like this give my muse a real workout!

PHOTO PROMPT © J Hardy Carroll

ADAM’S FALL

I wanted to punish Adam that morning. Kid brothers don’t need to tag along when you’re with your best friend!

At the old factory Mick and I easily went over the fence. “Wait up, guys,” Adam yelled.

I nudged Mick. “Tough. He needs to learn.”

We poked around some old machinery, then headed back. Saw Adam’s shoe hooked in the chain; him sprawled on the concrete.

The trident of remorse-fear-panic jabbed me as I ran, screaming his name. I tugged at his arm.

“Careful, Jordan,” Mick warned. “”If he’s got broken bones…”

Adam lived, thank God! And I learned.

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57 thoughts on “Adam’s Fall

    • Thanks for your comment. Yes, it is great when accidents don’t lead to permanent disability or death.
      I once read a story from Friesland where an older boy convinced his younger brother that if he wanted to be a real true Dutchman, he had to eat a spider sandwich. Big brothers!

      So they took a piece of bread and went up to the barn hayloft where lots of spiders lived. The older boy dragged some webs down and plastered the spiders, still kicking, on the bread. The younger got a few bites down, but thought about those wiggling legs in his stomach and puked all over his older brother. Somehow in climbing down the ladder again the older boy’s clompen fell off and knocked the younger on the head, popping his eye out of the socket. Their mother was able to put it back in and both survived, but there were no more tests to become a real true Dutchman.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Glad my story struck a chord. I knew two sisters, my daughter’s age, and the younger one told me one day how her older sister persuaded and/or dared her to jump off their shed roof. Which she did, but it wasn’t nearly as much fun — and hurt a lot more — than her sister had said. 🙂

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      • Fiction is a little miracle all on its own. There are very few different plots; it’s just the way the author dresses them up. You’ve written characters with believable emotions (how many times were we in Jordan’s position or Mick’s position or Adam’s position? Dozens if not hundreds). You write about believable actions, with believable consequences. We can all identify with these people, so we’re interested in them.
        The fact that people like what you’ve written about this everyday incident means that you’re a good writer; you have the skill to make us care.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Thank you very much for your encouragement! I guess writers don’t judge our own works, just as someone wrote about the painter who was surprised anyone would buy his paintings. When I posted this story I thought it rather mediocre and I’d get polite “Nice story” comments. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for your comment. I believe it would have struck home if your brother was like that. Mine was happy to be leader and have a willing follower.

      My initial response was lost when our internet went out during a storm, but I wrote that I got miffed and left my 4-yr-old sister in the Kinsmen kiddie park one summer morning. She made it home the five blocks by herself and my aunt wondered how. I think she almost had a heart attack in retrospect when my sister explained, “All the cars stopped for me.”

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for your comment. I didn’t want to make it too hard, though if I’d had room to explain, I’d have had his shoe stuck in the top chain of the fence so it was clear he lost his balance and fell when he was just over. These 100 words do limit the graphic details. 🙂
      Sorry my response is too slow. I was away two days and the internet storm-blocked for one.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. So well done. Love the ‘trident of remorse-fear-panic’ – so visual and a great way to pack all those feelings into a few words! I’m left a bit worried about, ‘Adam lived…’ as if he was quite beat up by the fall. If only all lessons were learnt as quickly.

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    • Thanks for your encouraging comment. It is a challenge to get all the necessary details into such a short tale. had I a few more words, I’d have mentioned that Adam fell from the top rail; he was lying INSIDE the fence when is brother found him. So, yes, he’d have bonked his head pretty bad, if I’d had a few more words to say it. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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