WHAT A TERRIFIC BIRTHDAY PRESENT!
Someone in the United Nations Headquarters must have heard that my birthday is coming up shortly and they wish to celebrate with me. Or else they have discovered that I am the most trustworthy person on the planet. Only this morning I received this amazing notification that a treasure-laden ship is about to fly into my airport — and MY name is on it!
Here are some details from the e-mail so you can all rejoice with me in my good fortune:
Office of Director of Payment United Nations
United Nations Payment Office Jakarta, Indonesia
This is to inform you about our plan to send your fund to you via cash delivery. This system will be easier for you and for us. We are going to send your contract part payment of US 5.2 million to you via diplomatic courier service. This fund was brought to us from America. It was meant for our local AFEM market. …
Note: The money is coming in two security proof boxes. The boxes are sealed with synthetic nylon seal and padded with machine. … The diplomat attached will travel with it. He will call you immediately he arrives your airport. …
I need your response because the boxes are schedule to leave as soon as you respond. Reply me immediately you receive this message. …
He wants me to send him some personal ID info so they can send the goods. I suppose they wouldn’t want to risk just anybody replying to this e-mail. The problem is that my dear husband has such a suspicious nature. He has never allowed me to send our banking info so I could claim all the millions of dollars and British pounds I’ve inherited at various times through the years.
Can you imagine the size of those boxes, each holding US 2.6 million in cash! I suppose it will all be in thousand-dollar bills? The US doesn’t put out million-dollar bills, do they? At any rate, I’d better call Brinks and arrange for one of their trucks to meet the plane.
One doesn’t wish to look a gift horse in the mouth, but I’m not too sure what we’re supposed to do with this diplomat. What if he has really expensive tastes, like caviar, fresh-caught squid and such like. But since this is the Canadian prairie, maybe he’ll want to try our buffalo steaks? Much more do-able. At any rate I don’t want to
waste spend US $1 million just to entertain him.
One problem will be that our trailer is too small for hosting a real live diplomat — especially if he comes with an entourage. Still, he’ll likely want to drop in, get to know us a bit, so I’d best give the place a good cleaning. I’ve been wanting to anyway; this will give me a great incentive. And as soon as I hear when he’s arriving I’ll reserve him a room at the Bessborough Hotel — a famous historic Saskatoon landmark that’s housed diplomats before, even royalty.
I want to thank all of you, dear Yankee friends and followers, for your indirect contribution to my good fortune. You may wish to check into the normal disbursement of foreign aid dollars, but in this case, I assure you that the sum is going to a very worthy recipient. (Blush) Since there’s nothing in the letter to say what I should do with this money, I shall do my best to spend it prudently. 😉