A Stream of Verses

Whimsey.girl

“POET ABANDONS HAIKU TO READER OPINION”

I read the Daily Addictions prompt — ABANDON — last night before I went to bed and started composing haiku verses that would fit that topic. They’re a random bunch, but I’ll post them anyway and you, dear Readers, can say which ones you like best.

As I type this, another notification comes from Daily Addictions: tomorrow’s prompt word will be CONVENIENT. Well, I can say that it’s very convenient for me to have the prompt word well ahead of time, since it takes me so long to get my response written up.

I do appreciate that so many bloggers are putting forth a huge effort to provide us all with writing prompts. All kinds of responses come to my mind as I see the various writing prompts but I don’t find/take time to write them. So I’ll plod along, doing what I can. 🙂

Now for the Verses:
1.
in her locker
the customer service rep
drops her plastic smile

2.
on his doorstep
the banker abandons
all outstanding loans

3.
abandoned sand castle
the hermit crab claims
squatter’s rights

4.
the doll forsaken
for a new best friend
leans against the bear

5.
when the pain hits hard
she abandons her maxim
“grin and bear it”

6.
to the wild wind
the crippled lad releases
all his grudges

8 thoughts on “A Stream of Verses

  1. What’s interesting is that the sister genre of haiku frees us up from worrying if we are including all the various aspects that people expect a haiku to contain.

    The sister genre of haiku? As we know, traditionally haiku is a one line verse (in Japan) and three lines outside of Japan, and so is senryu. Senryu doesn’t have to conform in the same way as haiku, and can decide to use its own approach, or “pinch” from haiku: http://sonicboomjournal.wixsite.com/sonicboom/contests

    warm regards,
    Alan

    Alan Summers
    President, United Haiku and Tanka Society
    co-founder, Call of the Page

    Liked by 1 person

      • Hi Christine! 🙂

        First of all there is nothing wrong with writing senryu instead of haiku. 🙂
        Secondly there’s a lot of confusion regarding haiku, and that’s partly due to so many people (academics included) mashing up hokku and haiku and calling it all ‘haiku’ when hokku is more like a ‘Form” and haiku (Shiki onwards) is a genre. Also Basho NEVER wrote haiku (it was unknown back then) and NEVER in English. So many of his poems are posted in English as if he was the author, and hardly anyone includes either the original Japanese or at least the Romanised Japanese, and hardly ever acknowledges or respects that a professional person centuries later created an English-language translation/version. Thereby adding to the confusion.

        For a fun chart on the differences of haiku and senryu:
        http://area17.blogspot.com/2018/06/being-human-ordinary-intensity-look-at.html

        warm regards,

        Alan

        Liked by 1 person

  2. p.s.

    in her locker
    the customer service rep
    drops her plastic smile

    Brilliant and astute observation, and with depth, and poignancy, many layered senryu.

    on his doorstep
    the banker abandons
    all outstanding loans

    Again brilliant, astute, full of depth and layers.

    abandoned sand castle
    the hermit crab claims
    squatter’s rights

    Yep, that’s what those types of crabs are famous for, and often appear on property advertising.

    the doll forsaken
    for a new best friend
    leans against the bear

    Again, a brilliant senryu!

    when the pain hits hard
    she abandons her maxim
    “grin and bear it”

    We can all relate!

    to the wild wind
    the crippled lad releases
    all his grudges

    Wow!

    Senryu can break all conceived rules and start with prepositions, be a run-on single phrase etc…

    You should be very proud of these, and they would have been shortlisted if sent to the senryu contest I judged.

    See the different types of senryu, and the extended commentaries I made on the top five senryu:
    http://sonicboomjournal.wixsite.com/sonicboom/contests

    warm regards,
    Alan

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Many thanks for your encouraging comment. I assumed they’d fall in the “ordinary” category; never thought they’d make it onto a shortlist. Wow! I’ll have to start writing more. 🙂

    One of the verses I had a debate with myself about. Which do you think is better:
    when the pain hits hard
    she abandons her maxim
    “grin and bear it”

    or simply
    when the pain hits hard
    she abandons
    “grin and bear it”

    Liked by 1 person

    • when the pain hits hard
      she abandons her maxim
      “grin and bear it”

      vs

      when the pain hits hard
      she abandons
      “grin and bear it”

      I think the syntax isn’t quite working, or isn’t as easy for the reader to grasp, on the second version.

      Senryu thankfully don’t have to deal or be committed with specific line breaks or ‘cutting’ a la kire:
      http://area17.blogspot.com/2014/04/more-than-one-fold-in-paper-kire-kigo.html

      If I say ‘enjambment’ is a harsher line break, for instance, then I’d worry that your second version is too harsh for senryu perhaps?

      It’s an interesting point though, how far do we truncate the syntax for senryu when it doesn’t normally have to worry about haiku techniques?

      One other version to consider:

      when the pain hits hard
      it’s “grin and bear it”
      she (first) abandons

      Although the more I read your second version it’s leanness is interesting and effective:

      when the pain hits hard
      she abandons
      “grin and bear it”

      I’ll be running a senryu online course shortly, designed by my wife and course director Karen Hoy, and it’s always fascinating how far senryu can go, without any perceived haiku shackles. 🙂

      warm regards,
      Alan
      http://www.callofthepage.org

      Like

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