in the old snake plant
a chickweed seed
dares to sprout
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Published by Christine Goodnough
I'm a wife, mom & grandma, a writer, homemaker and nature lover at home on the Canadian prairies. I post short stories and poems about life and personal experiences, writing from a Christian perspective and adding a dash of humor where I can.
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4 thoughts on “Audacity”
Regarding:
in the old snake plant
a chickweed seed
dares to sprout
Sometimes starting with ‘in the’ can work, but I wonder, because of the ‘dares’ choice as a verb, that perhaps going back to the more common two-part aspect of a haiku, in a way, it’s like two almost complete but not quite yet halves.
By removing ‘in the’ I feel the humour of the verb choice works better rather than the directing the reader with ‘in the…’
Thanks for your comment. I would have omitted something here, but didn’t know just what. Included “in the” for clarity, but maybe it would be clear enough without. I contemplated omitting “seed” and “to” out. So, better?:
the old snake plant
a chickweed
dares sprout
I know people new to haiku like more ‘instructions’ because a tiny poem that is two parts, actually two incomplete verses, is a little foreign to Western eyes.
ORIGINAL:
in the old snake plant
a chickweed seed
dares to sprout
Later revision:
the old snake plant
a chickweed
dares sprout
I kinda just liked the original minus ‘in the’. 🙂
Regarding:
in the old snake plant
a chickweed seed
dares to sprout
Sometimes starting with ‘in the’ can work, but I wonder, because of the ‘dares’ choice as a verb, that perhaps going back to the more common two-part aspect of a haiku, in a way, it’s like two almost complete but not quite yet halves.
By removing ‘in the’ I feel the humour of the verb choice works better rather than the directing the reader with ‘in the…’
Just a thought.
warm regards,
Alan
The Moon is Broken: Juxtaposition in haiku
https://area17.blogspot.com/2017/10/the-moon-is-broken-juxtaposition-in.html
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Thanks for your comment. I would have omitted something here, but didn’t know just what. Included “in the” for clarity, but maybe it would be clear enough without. I contemplated omitting “seed” and “to” out. So, better?:
the old snake plant
a chickweed
dares sprout
LikeLike
I know people new to haiku like more ‘instructions’ because a tiny poem that is two parts, actually two incomplete verses, is a little foreign to Western eyes.
ORIGINAL:
in the old snake plant
a chickweed seed
dares to sprout
Later revision:
the old snake plant
a chickweed
dares sprout
I kinda just liked the original minus ‘in the’. 🙂
Normally bunging in ‘old’ can be a cliché but I felt it worked here, as in the old wily wild animal syndrome. And ‘seed’ works as you could also see an allusion to stories about sowing seeds on patchy types of ground.
Just a couple of pennies. 🙂
Alan
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks again! Your pennies are valuable. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person